The Misadventures of the Enterprise
by Ink Spotz
Summary: A look into some of the strange and unusual cases that the USS Enterprise has been involved in during their journey through the final frontier.
1. The Flower Effect: Chapter One

_These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Or they were is more accurate. The Starship Enterprise has long since retired, as have I, but there are still some adventures that have yet to be fully documented. What you are about to read is a series of misadventures that we endured during our trip through space. We encountered many things in our journeys, but we never forgot where we came from or what we stood for. We always vowed to stand alongside one another and that was what made us strong. To you readers, I just have this one thing to say. Don't let the world pass you by. Go out into the world and boldly go where no one has gone before._

 _\- James Tiberius Kirk_

* * *

The Flower Effect: Chapter One

"Spock, I know what I'm doing," said Kirk in an irritated tone as he looked at the tablet clutched in his hands.

"I would normally believe you, but it's rather hard to deny the fact that we've been walking in circles. We've made little progress, Captain."

"I just need to make sure I push the right button...Ah, yes!" The tablet seemed to whir to life in Kirk's hands then, causing a triumphant grin to cross his face. "See, I told you I knew what I was doing."

"Yes, Captain," said Spock then, falling silent once more as he trailed Kirk through the underbrush around them.

Kirk held the tablet out in front of him a bit as they walked, using it to scan the surrounding plant life for the one they needed.

"I still don't understand why Bones isn't here and picking this plant himself. He's the one that needs it, after all. He would know what he is looking for."

"He's a doctor, Captain, not a botanist. I'm sure he would have just as difficult a time as you in locating the plant."

"Yeah, yeah, okay Spock. You can stop kissing up now," said Kirk as a slight smirk flickered across his face then.

He took a sharp left and was soon greeted by a wide array of plants. Kirk's eyes lit up then as he immediately scanned the patch with a renewed vigor.

"Now I know we haven't been here before," said Kirk, watching the screen as it scanned clumps of plants to identify what they were. "Lets see...there's Garlanium, and then there's Bararoot, and oh! There's one Bones should have!"

"You found the plant Bones requested?" asked Spock then as he arched a slim black brow.

"No, I found something even better," said Kirk; a chuckle already tumbling from his lips as he set the tablet down in a patch of grass to be able to closely examine the plant he had been talking about.

The plant that had Kirk mesmerized at the current moment was a slim necked red flower with golden lines shimmering in random strips on the petals. The entire neck of the flower was a royal blue. Contained in that one flower were the three main colors of uniforms on the Enterprise.

"I'd be careful with that plant if I were you, Captain," warned Spock then before moving to pick up the tablet. "You should be wary of any plant you don't know. You have no idea what kind of implications it could -"

Spock's eyes widened then as Kirk completely disregarded what he had just said and moved instead to take a deep whiff of the flower.

"You're very dim-witted sometimes, Captain," remarked Spock with a shake of his head. He moved to scan the patch of flowers to see what the damage would be, and rose his brow a bit at what the screen said.

"What's the look for?" asked Kirk as he stood up with the flower in his hands.

"Captain..." said Spock in a slow voice as he looked back up at Kirk. "Do you feel any different?"

"Different? I feel fine, Spock. You shouldn't worry about what this flower will do to me. It's a flower, for goodness sakes."

"But there is an extensive list of potential side effects, Captain," said Spock, taking a step or two back when Kirk approached him with the flower, "Now I'd advise you to lay the flower down immediately to lessen whatever effects may come of it."

"Fine, fine...Lighten up some Spock, will ya? It's just a flower. Nothing dangerous about that."

Spock just sighed and shook his head as he kept the tablet in his hands to try to locate the plant that Bones was in need of to replenish his medicine supply.

"I've located what we've come for," spoke up Spock after a second, smiling as he bent to grab up a few of the plants. "Ternallea, a plant that pretty much cures everything."

Kirk nodded then as he came to stand alongside Spock and look at the plant that was in his hands.

"That tiny thing is a cure for pretty much everything?"

"You'd be surprised, Captain. Sometimes the most surprising things come from the least expected places."

"I feel a lecture coming on, and I'm telling you right now that I'm not in the mood, Spock. Come on. Lets get back out into the open so that we can be beamed back onto the Enterprise."

Spock nodded as he kept a grip on the plants that he had picked that were in his hands. He handed the tablet back to Kirk and the two of them started to walk back towards the Enterprise. As they walked, Spock was slowly starting to pick up a soft humming noise. Wondering where it was coming from, it took him a moment to realize that the humming was coming from Kirk. He rose a brow and asked, "Captain, why are you humming?"

Kirk didn't realize he was humming until then, and opened his mouth to respond. Instead of being able to respond in a normal manner though, he sang his response at Spock, "'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore!"

Spock slowed up then at hearing part of the REO Speedwagon song leave his mouth.

"Captain, why are you?..."

"Let it go! Let it go!" sang out Kirk then, singing part of the famous _Frozen_ song.

A serious look passed over Spock's face then as he moved to grab Kirk's wrist and lead him even more quickly back to the clearing.

"I told you to be careful of that flower. This is one of the side effects."

Coming immediately into the clearing with the still humming Kirk looking a bit bewildered by his side, Spock radioed back to the ship.

"Beam us up, Scottie," said Spock. "We have a medical emergency."

Within seconds they were beamed back aboard the Enterprise, and Spock was immediately rushing Kirk towards the medical bay. Bones intercepted them on the way and immediately wondered what was going on.

"I've never seen you move so fast in all my life," commented Bones then.

"We retrieved the plants you requested," started off Spock as he handed them to him, "But we also encountered a problem once we were down there."

"What problem might that be?"

"He can't stop humming and he sings his replies."

"Sings? Are you trying to test out human behavior and tell a joke, Spock?"

"It is below me to joke when such a serious matter is taking place. We can't have a singing captain for the rest of our lives, no matter how amusing it is."

"I suppose you're right there, Spock," sighing Bones moved to grip Kirk by the arm and lead him off down the hall. "Come here, trouble. Lets get you fixed."

"I knew _you_ were trouble when you walked in..." sang Kirk; the Taylor Swift song dropping free from his lips. "So shame on me now...Took me to places I've never been..."

"Kirk, I know you're a Captain, but shut it. Besides, you've been in the medical bay before. This isn't a new place to you. Now..." Bones led Kirk over to one of the beds and had him take a seat, "I'm going to need to run a few tests to see exactly what the source of this problem is."

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" sang out Kirk; the famous Avril Lavigne song making Bones smirk.

"Yep," said Bones with a chuckle as he began to prep the materials he needed for testing, "This will certainly be interesting to deal with, and I'm not going to let you live this down for a long while, Kirk."


	2. The Flower Effect: Chapter Two

The Flower Effect: Chapter Two

After having handed one singing Kirk off to Bones to take care of, Spock had to go attend to the duties that he had been left with now that Kirk was out of comission for a bit. When asked where Captain Kirk was, Spock merely told them that he had been infected by one of the plants down on the planet, but that he would be better sooner rather than later. Spock made sure that they had successfully taken off again before going back down towards the medical bay to see how things were going.

When Spock entered the medical bay, he saw that Kirk was sitting up on one of the beds, still humming to himself, and Bones was off in the corner madly typing away on a tablet as he still searched for a cure.

"How is it going, doctor?" asked Spock as he walked towards Bones.

Bones didn't move at all. Instead he acted as if he hadn't even heard him speak. He still remained with his back to Spock, and that perturbed him.

"Doctor, did you hear what I just said?"

He was soon standing behind Bones and moved to lay a hand on his shoulder and spin him around to face him with an angered look on his face. As he spun around, Bones finally realized that Spock had entered the room and reached up to remove the ear plugs that he had in his ears.

"Did you say somethin'?" He asked then as he arched a brow.

"You are wearing ear plugs?"

"Um...yes...Mister Yankee Doodle Dandy over there can't keep his trap shut. I have to block it out somehow. And if you couldn't tell before, Kirk can't sing. That makes it very distracting. I don't think this ship has enough medication to stop the headache that I can feel coming on."

Kirk turned to face the two of them in the corner, singing out at them, "Why you gotta be so rude?"

Bones looked pained as he rolled his eyes and moved to look back at the tablet in his hands.

"You've made no progress?"

"Not really no. Even with the aide of the ear plugs to block out Kirk, I am still struggling to find a cure for it. We haven't dealt with this thing before."

"There has to be something we can do. He can't sing the rest of his life."

"Don't you think I'm trying, man!" asked Bones in exasperation as he looked towards Kirk who was still humming, looking like he was freaked out and frightened by everything that was happening.

"Don't stop believing!" sang out Kirk then.

"I swear, Jim, if you don't shut up in the next thirty seconds…"

Spock smirked then, and tried to hide it from Bones but he couldn't manage to. Bones pointed at Spock then with a glare.

"Stop smirking, you pointy-eared smart aleck! You should have watched him better."

"Captain Kirk is a man that has his own mind and chooses to do whatever he pleases. Trying to restrain him is therefore impossible."

"Well you should have done something, man! I want the non-singing Kirk back. I didn't sign up for this torture when I agreed to this voyage."

"This is what you came for," sang Kirk with a soft smirk on his lips.

"Jim! I swear…" said Bones as he turned then, mimicking the zipped lip motion over his lips. "Do that in the next five milliseconds or else." Bones turned back to face Spock then as he said, "I'm going to keep working down here and trying the best I can to fix the situation. How did you explain things on the bridge?"

"I reported that the captain had been infected but was being treated by very capable hands in the medical bay."

"Spock, who are you trying to kid? That wasn't what you said."

"Well, I may have overlooked mentioning the 'very capable hands' part the first time around."

"Exactly what I thought," said Bones with a smirk, shaking his head. "Now, I'll get back to work. I'll send you a com if there is any progress."

"That would be greatly appreciated," said Spock with a slight nod of his head. Spock turned to face Kirk then with a small smirk on his face once more. "I never knew that you were so musically inclined before, Captain. Why couldn't you have just listened to me?"

Kirk moved to answer, and Bones saw him, raising a finger in warning.

"Jim...I'm warning you...Don't say a response to Spock…"

Kirk looked from Spock to Bones and back again before singing with a smile, "I'm young and I love to be young. I'm free and I love to be free, to live life the way I want. To say and do whatever I please."

"That's it, Jim!" stated Bones as he quickly rose from his chair and walked over to Kirk, digging out a roll of duct tape.

"You have duct tape in the medical bay?" asked Spock as he arched a brow.

"Don't judge me…" said Bones. "It's for emergencies like this." He ripped off a strip and moved closer to Kirk who was trying to fight him off. "Stand still, Jim. This is for everyone's good. I can't find a cure with you singing all the time."

"You're here! There's nothing I fear!" sang out Kirk before Bones finally managed to put the tape over Kirk's mouth.

"There," sighed Bones. "Silence. It truly is golden."

Spock just rolled his eyes then before turning to go back towards the bridge.

"Radio me with any developments," called out Spock as he left. He turned once he was at the door since Bones didn't answer, only to see that he was fighting Kirk to keep the duct tape over his mouth; the ear plugs once again in his ears.


	3. The Flower Effect: Chapter Three

The Flower Effect: Chapter Three

The last two hours had been nothing but sheer torture for Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy. Sitting in a chair near the door, he had his legs crossed and a phaser pointed at the hospital bed. Kirk sat on the hospital bed with several strips of duct tape over his mouth. Bones sat with a smirk upon his lips as he held the phaser (set to stun) towards Kirk.

"I don't want to use this, but if you rip off your duct tape again, I'm going to have no other choice, Jim. Until I find a solution, I need you to keep your mouth shut. You're making the five years in unknown territory seem like it'll be a cake walk."

"Mgggaaahahaaaa..." mumbled Kirk through his duct tape, causing Bones to chuckle in amusement from his seat.

"I never knew you to be so musically inclined before." Leaning forward a bit in his seat, Bones put his free hand up and cupped his ear with it. "What did you say, Jim? I can't hear you with all that duct tape over your mouth."

Seeing Kirk threaten to move his hand up and rip the tape off his mouth, Bones moved the phaser up higher.

"Jim, I'm warning ya. You don't want me to get all trigger happy. Trust me..."

With a twinkle in his eyes, Kirk reached up and began to tear back the duct tape ever so slightly. Bones' finger wrapped about the trigger, pulling back on it slightly.

"Jim, I would think very carefully about what you decide to do next..."

Pulling back the tape even more, Jim soon had it halfway off. Bones stood up from the chair and began to take slow steps towards the bed.

"One note out of you sunshine, and I'll shoot this phaser." He sighed, beginning to mutter to himself a bit as he got ever closer to the bed where Kirk sat. "Babysitting you like this is sheer agony."

With a flourish, Kirk ripped away the rest of the duct tape as Bones stood now within feet of his bed. Opening his mouth and gesturing a hand outward in a dramatic fashion, Kirk belted out at the top of his lungs.

"AGONY! BEYOND POWER OF SPEECH. WHEN THE ONE THING YOU WANT IS THE ONLY THING OUT OF YOUR REACH!"

Cursing, Bones pulled back on the phaser. Of course, Kirk managed to jump down and roll out of the way, causing the blast to hit the wall instead. Seeing the smirk on Kirk's face as he stood a few feet away now with both arms outstretched as he continued to sing "Agony" at the top of his lungs.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" growled Bones. He was now wishing that he hadn't removed his ear plugs. That was the down side of being the chief medical officer. You always needed to be able to hear properly in case there was an emergency.

Bones proceeded to chase Jim around the medical bay, trying his best to keep him away from the door. He needed to make sure that Jim stayed contained until he was able to figure out a cure for the situation. As he ran about chasing Jim, Bones moved a free hand up to be able to com Spock.

"Spock...get your butt down here..."

"Something the matter?"

The calm nature of the question mixed with his already irritable state was volatile enough to make Bones lose it completely.

"No...I just commed to talk about the weather…Of _course_ something is the matter! I need you to come down to the medical bay stat!"

"What has happened to the Captain?"

"He is still singing his heart out and now he's running about the medical bay trying to escape!"

"Did you lock it down?"

"Again Spock, no. Instead of locking the bay down as I should have, I decided to message you so that you and I could get to know each other better!"

"Sarcasm is not appropriate in this situation, doctor. You must learn to harness your feelings in order to deal properly with the matter at hand."

"Just get your butt down here!" growled Bones as he let the com line drop and began to chase Kirk again. "JIM! STOP IT!"

"AGONY!" sang Kirk as he jumped over the bed as Bones began to shoot the phaser at him again.

By the time Spock was able to excuse himself from the duties that he had assumed while Kirk was in medical, Kirk had proceeded to hop up onto a table while Bones stood a few feet away. Bones looked beyond angry at the situation while Kirk looked like he was enjoying ticking Bones off in this way. A smirk resided on Kirk's face as he continued to belt out "Agony".

"Is that the only song you know now?!" yelled Bones.

Bones saw Spock appear on the other side of the medical bay doors and kept the phaser pointed towards Kirk as he slowly inched his way over to the door to let Spock in.

"Stay, Jim. Don't make me use this..."

Bones kept half an eye on Kirk as he entered the access code, causing the lock down to be temporarily lifted as Spock entered the bay. Kirk watched as Spock entered the medical bay.

"Captain, I suggest you cooperate with the doctor here so that we can find a cure..."

"AGONY!"

"I know it's agony," said Spock with a sigh. "But the good doctor is trying to..."

"Spock," said Bones, interrupting him, "That's the song he's been singing for the past hour."

Quirking a black brow upwards, Spock was about to ask why Kirk was belting out that particular song when Kirk jumped down off the table. The twinkle resided in Kirk's eye as he twirled in small circles, pushing through the middle of them both.

"What is he doing?" asked Spock, completely puzzled by how Kirk was now behaving.

"He's being a ham," said Bones with a sigh before realizing that Kirk was spinning right towards the door. "JIM, NO!"

"AGONY!" belted out Kirk as he stood in the doorway, gripping it slightly with one hand. "THAT CAN CUT LIKE A KNIFE! I MUST ESCAPE WITH MY LIFE!"

Turning then, Kirk bolted out of the room. Bones cursed under his breath before moving to run after him.

"Spock! Come on!" shouted out Bones as he ran out of the medical bay. "We have to stop Kirk before he gets to far."

Spock watched as Bones rounded the corner after Kirk. This situation was getting completely out of control. Surely there had to be a way to contain this, and they would find it. Spock moved towards the door to begin his pursuit after Bones and Kirk, knowing that the situation would need to be remedied soon before it got any worse.


End file.
